Last year in September I was preparing for the final session of my over a decade Freudian psychoanalysis. This year, I am writing to explore what I learned during a purposely scheduled termination process that took one calendar year. Much to my surprise, those twelve months brought me a completely new way of thinking.
Throughout this painful yet joyous process of leaving psychoanalysis, I discovered how the unconscious part of my mind had unbeknownst to my conscious self, drawn a hard and fast line between what I considered secular and what I contemplated as sacred.
Karen E. Starr writes in her book, Repair of the Soul, that this type of discovery is not attained in a straight line but in an ever-deepening spiral. This feels like how it happened for me. I did not have a goal in mind about my spirituality. However, each time a thought about the secular or sacred arose, I added a new level of awareness which created the spiral Starr mentioned.
The spiral happened because I consistently added nuances to my feelings. I also included the information acquired over the years of treatment, plus information from my extensive reading, plus the fruit harvested from living a full rich life. Each platform of the spiral was different and led to a new awareness that the secular and the sacred are in relationship in ways that I want to understand.
Do you think your changes or new awareness occur in a straight line because you set a goal, or do they manifest when you follow an ever-deepening spiral?