It takes a village

Yesterday morning, as I picked a pair of earrings from my drawer, recently organized by Nina, I felt her presence. I had needed her visit, her caring.

This period when my second memoir is nearing publication has brought with it a tenderness. It is a risk to bring something new into the world. And likewise, the act of letting go is difficult.  

I remember feeling the same two years ago when I was getting ready to publish my first memoir. At that time, I felt cared for when working with my editor Mary, the owner of Zion Publishing, especially when I sat at her kitchen table. My friend Ann spent hours going over the manuscript, asking clarifying questions about psychoanalytic words and what concepts meant. This support meant so much to me.  

Now, I am publishing my second memoir with Atmosphere Press and feel supported but in a different way. Some of you will remember my surprise at learning that Kyle, the acquisitions editor and my first contact with Atmosphere Press, lived practically next door in Urbandale. Kyle read my manuscript and made suggestions before passing on the email address of Alex, who would read the completed work. In Alex’s profile picture there was a baby who gazed up at her with adoration. Alex gave me paratext assignments and directed me to Ronaldo, the person who was to design the book’s cover. Ronaldo, located in South America, was accepting of my wish to have my son involved with the design process, a son who had lived in Brazil for ten years. I felt close to Ronaldo, who when we said goodbye, called me a friend. My son said this was a very Brazilian thing to say though I believe in my heart that Ronaldo and I were genuine friends. Then there was Evan in Portland, Oregon, who was in charge of the digital component, who in turn told me about Cameron who I will be working with once the design phase is completed. This village was composed of people from all over the globe.

Before analysis, my desire was to have more satisfying connections with other people. My sometimes hot-headed demeanor, fueled by insecurity, coupled with a tendency to cut off or hide when things got difficult, interfered with the establishment of bonds with others.  Susan Piver disclosed when she asked Buddhist teacher Tara Brach what Tara would tell her students to do when they were stressed, that Tara replied immediately, Sangha. Sangha is the Buddhist word for community.