In psychoanalysis, I discovered how very much I wanted to be the Good Girl so everyone would like me. I mostly did this by keeping quiet when I was upset with something another person had said, done, or not done.

I had to learn that being seen as the Good Girl was getting in my way and learn that the awkward feeling I felt when I spoke up, was usually worth feeling. That the awkwardness tended to go away faster than the anger I felt when I stuffed my feelings.

This week, I was presented with an opportunity to revisit this situation – to decide if being a Good Girl was going to be more important than my own health and well-being.

I’m not going to name names because I don’t feel that adds to the point I am trying to make but I will use the situation to show how I encountered this once again. The mask on the young person helping me with an exercise machine had slipped below the nose – sort of the Bill Clinton look (I know, I know – I said no names, but I meant no names of people that I know personally).   

The young person has made it known to me in the past that wearing a mask irritated a breathing disorder. That headaches appeared with too long of a wearing. This Sapien, in other words, made it clear in the past that mask wearing was annoying and probably worthless seeing as how this human being is perfectly healthy.

So what am I going to do? Am I going to say something or am I going to be quiet?

I decided to speak up. As I moved towards this being, I asked politely for the mask to be pulled up.   

My words were not welcome. They were met with defensive words: “The mask mandate is being relaxed.” “Masks probably don’t do much good.”

Surprisingly, I did not feel shame for my words. I did not feel like a bad girl. I simply watched as the mask was pulled up and then offered gratitude.

I imagine that I will have ample opportunity to make this request in the coming months. At times I may feel more awkward than I did this time. Here’s to Awkward! Being the Good Girl is no longer as important to me. Now I’m working on being a Powerful Crone.

       What are you working on? Please let me know!

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4 Responses

  1. Hi Nicky.
    This post resonates with me. I am learning to recognize my body’s response
    to anger. I stay quiet, then when I am alone I feel my chest tighten and my throat choke. My voice is trapped behind old barriers. Then the tear shower begins, the red eyes, the runny nose…ugh! I can now, at least, identify the emotion…anger. Perhaps fear, as well. You know you would get in trouble if you opened your mouth and said you were mad.
    I continue to read about anger, fear, grief, so I am increasing my awareness.
    But it feels like a lot of work. And, yes, I read your book, too!
    I want to say thank you for sharing and bravo. You took the steps and did the work. I appreciate you and your story. 🙏 Perhaps you’ll be writing another?!
    Anyway, Nicky. Your timing on this blog post was perfect for me. Now that the tears have stopped and I can breath again, I am exhausted and will probably deal with “it” later.
    Peace 🙏❤️🙏

    • Nancy – Your descriptive sensory phrases describing your body’s reaction to anger told me you really knew what I was writing about and that you
      are doing the work to change patterns! Yes, fear and anger often go together – especially about speaking up and naming anger as a feeling.

      Congratulations – I applaud your courage. The reason that it feels like a lot of work? It is! Be sure and keep me posted on your journey to health.

      Thank you for the message and for reading my memoir. I am beginning to outline a second memoir – I am encouraged that you mentioned the possibility!
      Hope you are well.
      Nicky

    • Diane – you are one of my Powerful Crone role models so your message means a lot to me. Thanks for cheering me on!

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