I’ve been following Kristin for years on social media, often resonating with her posts, fascinated by her drawings. On February 7 of this year, I was startled when I read she had experienced what could only be described as a heart attack. I was worried.
Later in her post, she shared details of what she had learned while being in the hospital. It was eerily close to what I have been trying to learn in Freudian psychoanalysis for a decade so I asked if she would be willing to be interviewed so I could hear more and you could meet her.
Kristin is an energy worker who practices Reiki, one modality of energy work developed in Japan. Her specialty is helping clear energies from body, mind, and spirit that get in the way of trust, hope, and clarity. She said clients report they know more about who they are, what they want, and what their next steps are after experiencing a treatment.
I couldn’t help but think that trust, hope and clarity are what I’ve been working on in analysis. I also thought how uncomfortable I’ve been on the couch and asked her if energy work was uncomfortable. She said that everyone’s experience was unique but that in general, it seemed that as we clear things from our bodies, minds, and spirits, we can sometimes feel worse before we feel better. She remarked this seems to be more pronounced when the depth of change that gets initiated is significant.
Wow, I thought, that has certainly been my experience, feeling worse before feeling better. Kristin guessed the same principle would apply because:
“As we pay overt attention to the things that have brought us pain, we often feel more uncomfortable before we experience all the wonderful things that healing like this can bring.”
My next question was about the heart attack she experienced and if you want more details you can find them by reading Kristin’s blog. What I thought was remarkable, and what spoke to me, was while Kristin was in the midst of all the tests during her time in the hospital, which were understandably anxiety producing, she asked herself, “What is my best inner route through this?” and she felt a clear inner voice respond:
“You can just BE. No need to work yourself mentally through this. Just allow. Just BE.”
Kristin said tears came to her eyes when she heard this inner message. This reminds me of how often I fail to listen to my inner voice when it tells me to relax. To allow. To just BE. I’m getting better at recognizing my inner voice while lying on the couch. To not work so hard trying to understand the analyst or the psychoanalytic process. Kristin felt this message was a teaching that even in the midst of chaos there can be peace and support right there in our unknowing.
To close our interview I asked her what she thought about Freud? Here is her lovely answer:
“I feel deep gratitude for the groundbreaking work he did to name the subconscious and help us learn how to explore it.”