It’s kind of awkward and uncomfortable being quarantined. Even those of us who spend the majority of our time at home are beginning to balk at not going out to eat or visit the library. Missing actual in-person interaction, the kind that includes touching, is starting to be painful and elicit sad feelings. All these feelings are present while we also thank our lucky stars that we are healthy and have a roof over our heads and food.
Personally, I am grateful for more time to work on my memoir about my more than a decade of Freudian psychoanalysis.
While researching my files, I found an old journal with the (fun) date, 10-22-2010, that contained notes I had copied from an unnamed source or maybe, I’d like to think, they were my words:
“Meditation is sitting in the place of not knowing – of not being in charge – of letting go – of letting mind rest, knowing there is no final answer. Letting go of control.”
When I read this entry, which was centered on the very first page, it occurred to me that I could be reading a definition of our current shelter-in-place situation, aside from, of course, letting the mind rest. We are all sitting in one place, it’s just that they are separate places. And it definitely is a place of not knowing. We don’t know how long this will go on or whether someday we will ourselves be infected with the virus. We aren’t in charge. It is difficult to let our mind rest.
It is fascinating to think that in our current situation, we are close to what is described as meditation. On the inside cover of the journal I wrote up in the corner in small letters:
“Meditating – to explore my inner being – to look for, to identify & to identify w/ my essence.”
This second notation, though using non-Freudian words, is what my memoir is trying to describe: the process of personal growth. Freudian analysis is designed to look for how the past is in the present. Please note that the statement indicates that the goal is both to identify what essence is and then to identify with essence. It’s not enough to recognize our essence, we need to identify with our essence. I think this means we need to claim and validate ourselves.
Would it feel different if you used this quarantine time as a way to explore your inner life? While meditation isn’t entirely a self-help technique, over the long haul, one does learn about self from following the breath and trying to ignore thoughts, what kind of thoughts you have, and as a bonus, learn if you don’t pay attention to thoughts, they go away.
I hope this is useful. Let me know how you are coping with being home all the time. It’s not an easy thing.
CLUE: Eat something different for breakfast, something you don’t usually eat. See how it starts your day and let me know! And keep standing on one foot while you brush your teeth. Last night I was too tired but I’ve been doing it mostly.
IMAGE: The Guardian is not supposed to wear these clothes in April, that’s probably why she lost her head in this image!
9 comments
Thanks, Nicky, for the meditation reminder. It’s funny that when we are surrounded by quiet (quarantined) we sometimes look for noise wherever we can find it–the news, our raging thoughts. For me, meditation is not so much trying to ignore my thoughts but not engaging with them. I notice them and then, when I don’t engage, notice them pass. It’s also a time to engage with the breath. “Being with” each inhale and exhale, noticing, too, how each feels in the body. When thoughts feel too powerful not to engage with, a guided meditation can help. I always turn to those of Jon Kabat-Zinn.
What a good point Diane – that when it is too quiet – we look for noise.
We are curious creatures aren’t we? We want quiet and solitude and then
when we have it, we don’t even recognize it.
I like you being with each breath – feeling how it feels in the body.
That’s pretty much my practice nowadays. Thanks for reminding us of
Jon Kabat-Zinn.
So appreciate you reading and commenting. Hope you are well and writing!
I like your different ideas/descriptions of meditation. I’m coping by being prepared and have been out twice, each time wearing a mask. I’ve always enjoyed shopping for groceries and find it disturbing that it has become so constricted. It’s weird wearing a mask and realizing that people can’t see your smile. Costco is my other shopping pleasure and it has suffered the same fate. We have been so spoiled by the unlimited choices that they used to ask if you found everything you wanted, and you were upset if you couldn’t get one thing on your list.
Oh Thanks for checking in Nolan. I’m glad you aren’t going out much either.
I wonder if people can see smiling eyes? And I’m glad you like the ideas
about meditation too.
I don’t like grocery shopping all that much except for one Natural Food
Store near our home. I liked wandering around there looking for different
things and yes, I would be upset if one thing wasn’t there!
Take care of yourself and keep me posted! I wanted to say stay in touch but
that doesn’t seem a wise thing to say now.
Love from your oldest sister,
Nicky
Nicky, I just read this after my 15 minute meditation, thanks! I appreciate being reminded that we are not in control. I like how shared that you see definitions for meditation as having similarities to sheltering in place right now. Stay healthy, stay hopeful, Jackie
Hi Jackie, Great that you are meditating – I will think of you when I sit next time.
Yes, I need to be reminded that I am not in control too. That’s a difficult one for me too.
I’m glad the similarities between meditation and sheltering in place made sense to you – I was quite
struck with that!
Thanks for checking in – very good to hear from you.
Your Guardian looks festive in her spring hat and white dress. I appreciate that I can see her citrine-colored soul shining through the gloom!
I had my first “why bother?” moment before getting up this morning. I had no plans for the day besides mundane, housekeeping chores. Two of my yoga teachers are now having classes via Zoom, so I can do yoga 4 times a week on weekdays. There is no 11:00 am Plymouth check in, but there will be Saturday Church later on. Oh, and a drive-by birthday “party” at 1:30, for a neighbor boy who is 15 today. Who knew that drive-by birthdays would be a thing? I’m glad I got dressed after all! There is still hope, especially if I quit reading the news. I hope your hopes are up, too! Peace, Jeanne
Attachments area
Pets are the best, especially during shelter in place! They will keep you busy, provide companionship, touch (petting an animal lowers your blood pressure), and may even prod you for daily exercise. No pet? Check your local humane society!
Anna – I’ve been thinking about your recommendation to get a pet! I haven’t known how to respond
except to say that it is a fabulous idea! And that I love your sweet dog who doesn’t really seem
like a pet but a member of your family. I’m glad to know ZiZou!
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Comments are closed.