Making a Safe Harbor for the Boys in the Basement – #64

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“We like to think of ourselves as individuals. But it is important to remember that, on a deep level, we are really plural beings.”* 

Admitting you house a Boys in the Basement Quartet does not put you in line for a diagnosis of multiple personality disorder. Instead it indicates you are in the life-giving process of claiming and exercising your appetites. 

To sidestep Mary’s question in last week’s comment section, “Are the boys in the basement unconscious?” Dr. Bjork suggests that we think of the boys as appetites.

From what I know, (I didn’t consult the Dr. about this), appetites reside in the same general area of the brain as the Boys.  I think the instinctual appetites work off one another to egg on the Boys while the Boys tantalize or depress the appetites.  

Recently they’ve both been messing with me: I say let’s have one square of dark chocolate and they say: NOT enough, we need seven.    

To safely harbor the Boys in the Basement, most of us will need to go through a period of transition. Transitions can be treacherous; the transition in Iowa from winter to spring being a prime example. 

When it comes to the Boys, the transition will be from ignoring them to interacting with them on a daily basis. Touching base with our fears, recognizing our anger, admitting the despair, and finding ecstasy is quite the chore for those of us who are used to largely ignoring and hiding these appetites. 

Thinking of fear, anger, despair, and ecstasy as appetites is helpful to me. It’s not a perfect fit but work with it and see what you discover.  

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me – Nicky Mendenhall

*This quote from Robert A. Johnson’s book Ecstasy: Understanding the Psychology of Joy (1987), may help you deal with the Boys in the Basement idea. Strangely enough there are two copies of this book on my bookshelf. Special Bonus from exploring the mystery: I will mail the second copy(used) to the first person who emails me and requests it.  




 







 

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4 comments
  1. I am enjoying the point that they are "boys" in the basement. Not monsters, not dragons, not vortexes of evil. I went to school in a very small town and had 22 boys and 7 girls in my class. Those "boys" were always in to mischief. But, I am so grateful when I think of them.

    If I can be grateful for the Boys in the Basement, perhaps I can honor the fear that has helped me make good decisions; the anger that has helped me stand against wrong; the despair that helped me take my life in a new direction; and the ecstasy that helped me celebrate the other three. Just like the boys in my grade school, these Boys only get naughtier when they are held back from recess, kept after school, or "shushed." Cheers, Nicky.

  2. Cheers to you Becky!

    Would you believe that I also grew up in a small town? In my Junior class, (we consolidated with other schools when we were seniors), there were 7 boys and 2 girls!

    Thank you for connecting me with that memory and giving me another way to relate to the concept of the boys in the basement. I love your point that the boys were often into mischief. It reminds me of when Bill Monroe, one of the “boys,” tried to look up my skirt during Mr. Graber’s History class. I rose from my desk, glared at him, and with righteous indignation hit him over the head with my text book!

    Not letting the boys go out to recess is asking for a revolt – just what we can expect when we don’t pay attention to our fears, angers, and feelings of despair.

    What a insightful and helpful comment. Thanks!

  3. The first three to me are all emotions which can paralyze us and may
    > be beyond our control to get beyond. These, in my life are all
    > elements where I ask for God's power, to give me the strength to
    > overcome them. In the case of fear you ask for strength and wisdom to
    > face your fear. In anger and despair you ask for understanding and
    > forgiveness which has brought it about in the first place. All of
    > have had situations where we were confronted by these emotions and we
    > need the strength to find freedom from them. If understanding and
    > forgiveness can replace despair and anger with love and care, that
    > could be ecstasy. We all seek the emotional freedom to be the person
    > God created. This is the path of discovering who we are.
    >
    > Just my thoughts, in some ways all of the important issues in life are
    > summed up in those four words.
    >
    > Carl
    >

  4. Interesting to think that all the important issues are covered in four words – fear, anger, despair, and ecstasy. Thanks Carl!

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