This was my last week of live Tai Chi Chih (TCC) practice until September. You may have heard of Tai Chi–TCC is a contemporary form designed to be simpler to learn. Like traditional Tai Chi, it occasionally gives rise to a feeling of oneness that comes from feeling the chi in your body. I practice this form’s nineteen movements & one pose four times a week, guided by a certified teacher in Kansas City, MO. I joined the group in November of 2020 and while I have never been in the same room with any of them, I still feel very connected.
I notice this month I’ve been aware and focused on the upcoming break in routine which begins the last week in July through August.
I will miss the structure to my day and miss other students who sign on from various states. I’m the only Iowan. Our teacher consistently us new words to help us stretch our understanding of chi, the vital energy that connects us all. I love her kind and gentle, yet firm way of teaching us how to relax and soften. I love checking in to class and seeing who shows up each time.
On the other hand, I can’t wait for the break to begin. Needing to be available and present in a Zoom room at a certain time can be annoying. I’ll be engrossed in a good book, and suddenly it will be time for class. And since so far no one has worn PJs to practice, I have to get dressed.
You can see that I have conflicting feelings about the upcoming break. It’s a good thing and it’s a bad thing. Why do I continue to feel like it has to be one way or another? Once again, I am helped by Sigmund Freud who developed the concept of ambivalence. I bet he would say that you don’t have to either hate your mother or love your mother – you can have ambivalence about your mother. I’m thinking it is a skill to not take an either/or, love/hate position in response to any dualism.
I don’t have to squash my excitement about the break, I can savor it while at the same time paying attention to the feelings of loss that will also be there, the feelings of loss and longing Susan Cain speaks about in Bittersweet. Embracing ambivalence will allow me to treasure all my feelings and enjoy the five weeks floating in fleeting feelings of freedom.
This week, as you go about your daily life, try to find a place where the concept of ambivalence can help you. Let me know how it goes!
