You can learn all sorts of things if you listen to yourself. This can take the form of paying attention to what your thoughts are or what your body is trying to tell you. I’ve found that working with a psychoanalyst helps me get past old habit patterns that insist there are no acceptable ways of being other than the ones I hold dear.
During our weekly sessions, I have discovered that my usual pattern for dealing with life is to try and figure things out in my mind. In the not too distant past, I felt proud that I had the ability to figure out what to do. I always considered this a positive trait.
Come to find out – there is a problem with this “trying to figure out life in my mind” strategy. The figuring out strategy is often related to determining who/what is right and who/what is wrong, With this type of question in my mind, I can go back and forth between two options seemingly forever.
The better strategy that is suggested subtly by the analyst (that I am trying to learn) is, instead of figuring out with my mind, allow myself to experience what is going on. Let it unfold and see where it leads. See how it feels in my body. Pay attention to all the options.
My friend Lisa teaches me how to do this. When we plan a lunch date, my preference is always to figure out where we are going to meet and at what time even though the meeting is weeks in advance. Lisa likes to wait and see what we feel like eating that day and what time works best and what our bodies want and need in that moment.
Letting go of my need to control things, which occurs to me is another way of saying figuring it out, makes my life a lot easier.
I’m trying to think of another example of how I try and figure out things, but I can’t seem to discern it now so will ask you. Do you try and control things by figuring them out? Do you have examples of when not figuring out makes things easier?
CLUE: Pick one day and pay attention to when you get hungry. Do you listen to what your body wants or do you go with what someone else wants? Let your body be in control – it’s only for one day – of when and what you eat. See if this makes any difference in how you feel when you go to sleep that night. Let me know!
Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall
The better strategy that is suggested subtly by the analyst (that I am trying to learn) is, instead of figuring out with my mind, allow myself to experience what is going on. Let it unfold and see where it leads. See how it feels in my body. Pay attention to all the options.
My friend Lisa teaches me how to do this. When we plan a lunch date, my preference is always to figure out where we are going to meet and at what time even though the meeting is weeks in advance. Lisa likes to wait and see what we feel like eating that day and what time works best and what our bodies want and need in that moment.
Letting go of my need to control things, which occurs to me is another way of saying figuring it out, makes my life a lot easier.
I’m trying to think of another example of how I try and figure out things, but I can’t seem to discern it now so will ask you. Do you try and control things by figuring them out? Do you have examples of when not figuring out makes things easier?
CLUE: Pick one day and pay attention to when you get hungry. Do you listen to what your body wants or do you go with what someone else wants? Let your body be in control – it’s only for one day – of when and what you eat. See if this makes any difference in how you feel when you go to sleep that night. Let me know!
Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall
2 comments
HI, Nicky, Thank you for the reminder to be more aware of my reasons for making a choice. Jeanne
Hi Jeanne! You are most welcome. We do make a surprising number of decisions each day don't we?
Realizing that we have a choice is sometimes the first step so this means your increased awareness of reasons seems very wise to me.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate knowing that you are out there! Hope things are going well for you and your family.
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