Standing, I open my stance to approximately shoulder width apart. Then place my hands and arms behind my trunk, the backs of my hands facing forward. As I rock forward onto the balls of my feet, bringing my arms and hands in front of my trunk, I imagine I am pushing against resistance with the backs of my hands. After my hands and arms move through the resistance and end up in front of my body, I glide them back once again behind my trunk. Without pause, I rock forward on my feet, again pushing that resistance. Hands and arms in front of my body, I move them back. And as my hands glide forward for the third time, I lift my arms and draw a large circle in the air so that my hands meet in front of my belly facing each other. I feel the energetic polarity between my hands right before sweeping both arms out to the side, cocking hands backwards at an angle. After doing this twice, I open my arms and move them away from my body, circling with open palms in a circular motion three times. My arms and hands then move back to the center, palms down, sending the energy, or we can say Chi, down to the earth.
My Tai Chi Chih teacher recently mentioned that if you want to change a habit pattern, pick one or two moves from Seijaku (the advanced form of TCC) and practice them for 44 days with an intention in mind. When I heard this, I wondered what would happen if I used this method to release my habit of playing the blame game when something happens I don’t like.
I think it’s taken me a long time to confront this dysfunctional behavior because it’s so convenient! It has left me blameless. But eventually, I realized that if everything was the result of someone else’s behavior, this made me the victim, not the self-confident woman with agency I wanted to be. So I chose Bird Flaps Its Wings and set the intention to quit blaming.
As I’m doing the movements, I remember to think to myself, “I am letting go of blaming.” On day 26 of the 44, it occurred to me that the harsh words I spew out when I’m upset are blaming words. It felt like an epiphany. Something felt different inside once I had this awareness. It was a new way of thinking about both blaming and being harsh. Now I am on day 34.
I mentioned to my teacher how my process was going. She was encouraging. And then, as teachers do, she added advice that I hadn’t expected but at the same time, understood unconsciously. Her words: “As you finish your challenge, don’t have expectations.”
IMAGE: Doormat at our front door.
