3.25.2023 Aging
As we age, our journey begins to include challenges, mistakes, loss of control, broader horizons, and necessary suffering. I credit this concise statement describing the course of human life to Richard Rohr. If you argue with me and say, “Nicky, all these things begin to happen before we reach old age,” I would wholeheartedly agree.
But then I would quickly express my growing belief, based on personal experience, that these happen more frequently in old age. Let’s look for a moment at loss of control. If we look at our bodies, the first loss that pops into my mind is the tiny bit of saliva that occasionally slides down my right chin the last few weeks. This part of my chin has been numb for over thirty years. This is why if you eat a meal with me, you may notice food lingering there but be careful how you let me know because I am pretty touchy about it. Sometimes it is true that I welcome the input but other times I feel like you are criticizing me. I haven’t told anyone about this new development because I didn’t want to draw attention to it and I didn’t want to hear a dire warning of what horrible disease it might be warning me of.
If we look at loss of control when it comes to shopping online and not reading the fine print when you are wanting antiperspirant to come overnight from Amazon, you can end up with a box of individually wrapped popcorn in different flavors.
Looking at loss of control when it comes to emotional matters, I frequently feel the overwhelming emotion of fear when watching a Netflix series titled Stranger Things – where giant monsters crash out of the forest and consume people and other animals.
I read recently that the period of time we currently call old age will soon encompass a period that will last at least as long as childhood, adolescence, and education together. This means that in the twenty-first century and beyond, old age will last for twenty-five years or more.
Think of the emphasis we put on the first twenty-five years of life – on growing and learning and figuring out how to be the best person we can be. Then there is the middle part of life and the focus becomes what we can contribute and what we can accumulate. But when it comes to old age, which just for now let’s say begins at 70 years of age, our excitement seems to wane.
And no wonder. Think of living for twenty-five years when all you have to look forward to is loss of control. Are you shuddering yet? This is why I like to reframe how I think about aging. I prefer to think that I have twenty-five years to write more memoirs, read great literature, and mingle with my favorite people. And to learn to ask for help – which has been hard for me.
Do you fear loss of control? Physically? Mentally? Psychologically? Reply to this email or leave a comment at nickymendenhall.com. We are in this together!
Image: Daffodils in the front yard and my third memoir on impermanence and change are in the same stage of development.
