Looking looking looking. Since March 4, I have searched in vain for a book Amazon insists I purchased in 2012. I know it must be hiding on one of my many bookshelves. Wendell remembers seeing the unusual title. I wish I could call it like I do when my phone goes missing. I put a copy on hold at the Urbandale Public Library certain this would make my copy show up. I was wrong. Wendell brought the library copy home today and I still haven’t found mine. Even though I now hold it in my hands, I haven’t given up. The name of the book is Falling Upward, by Richard Rohr.
I’ve been noticing lately that when any problem arises, I am more and more inclined to blame it on aging.
I decided to peruse my collection of books on aging to see how many times forgetfulness was mentioned. So far, I have only plucked one book off the shelf: This Is Getting Old: Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor and Dignity by Susan Moon. I remembered purchasing this copyright 2010 book because I appreciated the fact Moon was a woman author. After reading a few chapters, my 2010 self said to Wendell, undoubtedly scrunching up my face in disgust, “This book is too depressing.” I was offended, even irritated, by some of her observations. Quotes like: “My mind, like my bladder, is shrinking with age so that it doesn’t hold as much at once.” I closed the book. I was sixty-five and it would be several years before I started experiencing some of the things that can and do go wrong with the aging body.
Reopening and skimming Moon’s book today, thirteen years later at the age of seventy-seven, I am more open to her words on aging. I now find her writing quite collegial. The title of her first chapter: “Where Did I Put My Begging Bowl?” introduces the idea that forgetfulness is a natural part of aging. She bets Buddha sometimes forgot where he put his bowl down in his later years. She discloses the time she couldn’t remember her social security number and now, I can relate to that. Sudden lapses of memory are occurring more frequently; I still can’t find the book I’m looking for.
It’s interesting to me how I couldn’t relate to her words a few years ago. Now that I can, I’m not quite so bothered by not finding Rohr’s book. I have the Library’s copy for three weeks. Surely my book will turn up by the time I have to take it back and if it doesn’t, what’s the big deal?
IMAGE: This Buddha (Thailand 2013) forgot where he left his begging bowl.
