The last idea we will explore from Leaving a Trace*, is the idea that vital to the process of writing memoir is the decision of what to leave out. Since I’m writing a memoir this caught my attention.
It occurred to me this also may be good advice for the rest of my life. What would enhance the quality of my life if it was not there?
Currently I’m trying to let go of clothes that no longer fit because I’ve gained weight. Even when they are way too tight when I try them on, I want to save them. I forget that someone else may need them.
In 2016 and 2017, I couldn’t gain weight no matter how much I ate. Then I had the procedure (AKA operation) suggested for NPH (Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus). After a few months, I started to gain weight. It felt so good to feel healthy again that I kept eating. Now I would like to lose ten or more pounds but only if I can do it and stay healthy.
Besides clothes that are too tight, I’m trying to let go of the idea that I can eat anything I want. It is a surprisingly difficult attitude to shake. The omnipotent feeling of eating everything I wanted and not suffering any consequences is hard to relinquish. It was like saying, “Look at me – I can eat anything I want and not gain weight. I’m special.” Of course I didn’t think that consciously but unconsciously that attitude must have been there otherwise this wouldn’t be such a struggle.
Letting go of eating anything I want every time I feel like it is sort of difficult. I’ve started to treat myself to a cup of hot tea when the urge comes to eat. Most of the time it helps.
It is much easier to toss a blouse into the Goodwill bag than it is to convince myself that I might be eating out of habit and not hunger; only eat one Almond Bite instead of fifteen. I try to switch my attention to the question of what are the necessary details I need to include in memoir describing my experience in psychoanalysis? If there are things you would like to know about my time in psychoanalysis, let me know. If you’ve always been curious about what goes on in an analytical session and wanted to ask questions, here’s your chance! I probably won’t answer your question here but it might be included in the book!
What do you need to let go of? What is the most difficult for you to shed – material things or attitudes? I’d love to know.
CLUE: Think of the last time you let go of something. Did you give it away or just throw it out? How did you decide to take this action? Then remember the feelings you had after you let go. If they were good feelings, congratulate yourself for a wise move. If you wish you had whatever you took leave of, devise a plan to either get it back or replace it. Then let me know.
Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall
*Leaving a Trace by Alexandra Johnson (2001)
The image of beautiful fall leaves is completely unfiltered and was received during a walk on Sunday, October 28, 2018. I love it so much that I shared it on Instagram.
2 comments
Hi Nicky! Thanks for this post! I have actually gained about 30 pounds over the last 5 years and am still holding on to my size 4s!!! I would definitely like to "let go" of the weight (not so much the clothes–lol–would be thrilled to give away my current wardrobe), but would much more like to let go of the negative body image messages I send myself all too frequently. On an intellectual level, I realize how damaging and how shallow my self-talk can be, but giving it up has been a life-long struggle that I haven't mastered yet.
Hi Diane,
Thanks so much for your comment. Your clarity on the difficulty of letting go of negative body images is very helpful to me. I struggle with giving up negative self talk about my body and have for years. When I look at pictures of me in the past, I observe that I looked pretty good – not at all as my inner voices were telling me.
Keeping this in mind is difficult as you mention. We are working on it! That's good. Isn't it interesting how intellectually we can know something but the soft animal of our body (to quote Mary Oliver) doesn't?
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