When You Get To The End

Endings tend to be difficult for me so it’s no surprise that the last chapter of my second memoir is currently giving me fits. I thought Chapter 12 (last chapter) was written when I opened it up to revise. But after reading the first five pages, which I am grateful didn’t need much revision, I found myself staring at a few very unwelcome lines of text:  “Too tired to finish now, will work on it later.”

So now I need to jump back in and finish it. I don’t want to. 

I have always believed that endings were painful because a thoughtful ending to most anything – be it disbanding a group, finishing a great vacation, or dissolving a relationship, requires letting go, and usually, for whatever reason, letting go is not easy.

 

But, in this particular situation, what is it that I need to let go of? 

I scrunch up my face & squint my eyes and think, maybe this is an exception to the rule -maybe there is nothing I have to let go of?

Suddenly, though I write in my memoir that nothing happens suddenly, citing Buddhist wisdom about causes and conditions, I know what I need to let go of.

An expectation!

When I opened Chapter 12 file, my expectation was that I would breeze through it, do a quick revision, and then begin the process of putting all the chapters together. I was anticipating the excitement of reading all the way through to see if the story of my yearlong termination makes sense.

Are endings hard for you?

I would love to hear from you!