Our exploration of attachment will initially focus on the psychological meaning of attachment. Exploring Buddhist ways of thinking about attachment will be in future posts.
Psychologists describe attachment as exhibiting four styles: secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized.
All of us want to be persons with secure attachment; not all of us are that lucky. Bowlby* (1988) believes a person with secure attachments will “feel bold in his explorations of the world.”
The formula for secure attachment:
Being seen, understood, met, and loved as we truly are.**
Don’t worry, research now tells us that if as a child you aren’t lucky enough to receive these from your caregivers, you don’t have to be saddled with a less functional attachment style forever.
Insecure attachment (and anxious and disorganized attachment) is subject to change!
The good news: what happens to us in childhood can be modified.
Scientist now know neuroplasticity makes it possible for neural networks to shift and change and as they do, attachment styles can be modified.
Next post will continue to explore attachment in all its complexity. If you have questions or comments, I would be pleased to hear them. Email me or (let’s see if it works this time) go to bottom and click on exploring the mystery that is underlined. This will take you to the blog. Scroll up and down to find the comment box.
In case you are wondering – here is the answer to the quiz last week: “a” or “b” or “a&b”. It turns out there could be no wrong answer.
Thanks exploring the mystery of attachment – Nicky Mendenhall
*Bowlby quoted in A Psychotherapy of Love (2010), Firman & Gila, page 32.
**Attachment sections (I lost the page & I want to go to bed!) in The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy (2010), Cozolino.