In Fear, Folly & Freud, I confessed to having difficulty asking for help. Needing was uncomfortable and I believed asking for help would inconvenience others. I wholeheartedly desired loving connections but I didn’t want to bother people.
On October 28, 2022, Wendell asked me to call 911 as I was scrolling my contact list looking for my dentist. My teeth ached. Wendell likes to ask for help even less than I do so I figured he was serious. The firefighters arrived after I finished getting dressed and tying my tennis shoes. I rode in the passenger seat of the ambulance which delivered the most hair-raising ride of my life during which I resorted to clutching the top of my head with both hands one time.
Modern medicine determined that a stent for Wendell was the solution so as this procedure unfolded, I started writing in a notebook found in my purse. After a successful outcome and a long day, I was sent home. I called my friend Ann and asked for help. This was acceptable because I didn’t have a car.
Once home, teeth hurting, I began worrying about driving downtown the next morning. I felt fear.
I wanted people to know our situation so they could send energy and prayers for Wendell, so I contacted family members, friends, and posted on ZenFields forum. Keith one of the forum members reported that research proves when people know they are being prayed for, their recovery is faster. Judy, another forum member wrote, “Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”
My ego almost wouldn’t allow asking for a ride to the hospital. When I confessed being fearful to Mark he said: “Mom, let people help you!” I emailed Judy. She picked me up the next morning and I felt a real connection, no shame.
Other forum members wrote messages pointing out that while our meditation practice does not change the circumstances, it gives us the ability to experience the fullness of what is happening in ways that allow us to be fully present.
As I soaked in the support, I began to realize that in the past, not asking for help was because asking required a sense of vulnerability that my ego couldn’t access. I once again felt gratitude for my healing decade in analysis.
Is it easy for you to ask for help? What do you feel when someone asks you for help?
IMAGE: Dresser top featuring beautiful card from sister Nina who I often text one word, “Talk?”
P.S. There is still room in the six-week Zoom Wild Writing group that begins December 7, 2022 and ends January 11, 2023. Let me know if you have questions – I’d love to write with you. Soon there will be information explaining Wild Writing on my website: NickyMendenhall.com
