How Miserable Can You Be During The Holidays? – #47

Born in London, Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo,* spent twelve years secluded in a Himalayan cave. Her most recent book, Into The Heart Of Life,**  is a collection of talks explaining Buddha’s essential teachings; teachings she says we habitually and persistently deny.
 
Here’s a thought from Tensen:  “The first sign of existence is dissatisfaction. Life as we normally lead it in our confused and very disturbed manner is not satisfactory.” 

The Buddhist word to describe this unsatisfactoriness is dukkha. Dukkha is dis-ease. It describes times when things don’t go the way we want them to go.

We much prefer sukha, which Tenzin writes means: ease, pleasure, everything going nicely; a sense of things going smoothly.

During the holiday season it becomes more difficult to handle our feelings of dissatisfaction. We feel peer pressure to be in the holiday mood. But what if this is the first or second year that our loved one is not at the table? What if we don’t have enough money?  What if we are just not in the mood? 

Buddha’s first noble truth is “Life is suffering.” 

Christians sometimes give the impression that if you pray enough, believe in God, and do all the right things, there won’t be suffering. I believed that for many years. When things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, I figured it was my fault.

While I still remain wedded to my Christian roots, Buddhism has helped me be more comfortable with the unsatisfactory parts of life. 

Alex Lickerman***, MD., cites a growing body of research that shows our expectations profoundly influence how we experience life. If we are warned that an experience will be unpleasant, we find it easier to tolerate.

If we know there will be dissatisfaction in our lives no matter what we do, perhaps when something untoward happens, we won’t blame ourselves. We will know that this discomfort is part of being alive. We can seek help. We can be gentle with ourselves.

It is a paradox: knowing we will suffer – we suffer less. It seems a mystery to me. Let me know what you think about life being unsatisfactory. Is this your experience? Is this a comfort or not?

Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall

*While touring India in 2004, I had the honor of meeting with Tenzin. With great temerity I approached her with my camera and inquired if it would be possible for me to photograph her. She reluctantly but graciously agreed. Look for her picture in a separate email this week. Be sure to look at her hands.

**Into The Heart of Life, Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo (2011).

***The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self, Alex Lickerman, MD. (2012)

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