I’ve written about practicing Tai Chi Chih in the past but today I want to report a minor miracle that culminated on Monday of this week. In case you are curious, regular practice of TCC began in November 2020 the day after I terminated treatment from Freudian psychoanalysis. I think of it as trading one self-awareness practice for another.
Tai Chi Chih is meditation in motion, so in addition to being taught the moves, which are simple enough to learn, our teacher says things like, “Small changes in awareness are game changers.” I never quite integrated what this piece of advice meant. I persevered in the TCC practices even though I sometimes felt bored and wondered why on earth I kept at it, especially times when my back ached.
After about a year of regular practice with my teacher and a small group of others, I knew most of the movements by heart. But I continued feeling puzzled by a frequent instruction to “get softer.” In TCC, there is no focus on breathing, just softness.
Fast forward another six months and now my back was becoming tight and tired every class, as the minutes of practice added up. It was annoying. Eventually, the ache was there as soon as I began the session! I ignored it, figuring it was the price I had to pay.
Recently, our teacher went on a trip to India and left other teachers she had trained in charge during her six-week absence. I learned new aspects of the practice from each of them and felt new energy welling up inside me. I love my teacher, so my enthusiasm for these other teachers surprised me. In one class, I think it was one with Lisa, I mentioned my tight back. She suggested that I focus on softening my front side and breathing down into the dantien area, a spot about an inch or so below my naval.
This didn’t make much sense to me, but I thought I would try it. Initially, I didn’t notice much difference. I was still stiff and tired after practice – a practice that others say energizes them. But I kept focusing on my belly and added this to my daily awareness goals. I began noticing that while meditating on my kneeling bench I was breathing deeper into my belly.
So here’s the minor miracle: Monday, after class, I noted that my back wasn’t tight or aching and I felt more energized than tired, just like my classmates! Could it be that this small change in self-awareness, paying attention and breathing deeper, freed up my back? Is this part of what “Get softer” means? I’ve had all week to practice, and I would say that it takes a lot of my energy to focus on breathing deep and that sometimes I forget. But now there is a thought that arises, as if out of nowhere: “Nicky, your back is tight.” Then I know I need to soften my body and breathe into my lower abdomen.
Have small changes in your awareness led to differences? Did it feel a bit like magic? Please let me know by replying to this email or visiting NickyMendenhall.com and leaving a comment.
Image: Creek bank on nature trail where I walk almost daily. Photo taken in 2015. The trail is currently blocked for bank restoration. Hope it opens soon!
