The gloom surrounding my injured body overshadowed the preparations for my birthday – my 78th. The self-inflicted injuries were taking longer to heal than my omnipotent Self (the one I learned about in psychoanalysis) believed was necessary.
This part of me said: “Okay, okay, I know I was overzealous at the gym. I will try not to do it again! Body, please let’s get back to my previous state of wellbeing. Let’s feel better. Please let the fatigue and dark mood lift for my birthday.”
Thankfully, my body listened, and while it was not one hundred percent better, it rallied. Getting older is both a blessing and difficult to manage at times.
Nevertheless, I went to bed satisfied after a full day of celebrating. I talked on the phone with everyone near and dear, admired the majestic red roses from my thoughtful husband, and savored all the cards that arrived in the mail.
One thing I’ve learned this year is that I am strong and that I want to test the limits of my body. I want to push through. Sometimes I’ll strain a muscle, and as I get older it takes longer to recover. But that’s something even my super-athlete middle son tells me.
What else have I learned?
Just like strained muscles, big feelings on landmark occasions aren’t fatal. In fact, they have the power to awaken compassion and give more meaning to them. Many of you might know already, but my mother passed away on my birthday over twenty years ago. This year, I felt her presence more, somehow. I’m now three years older than she was when she died.
Now that I am pushing into new territory, I’d like what I’m learning to apply to my writing practice. As winter approaches, writing a post once a week while writing another book has felt daunting. So if a week goes by without seeing my message in your mailbox, don’t worry. It’s just a sign that I’m learning.
How do you know when to push and when to let up? I’d love to hear from you!
IMAGE: The Guardian celebrates changing of the seasons with simplicity.
