The senseless tragedy in Newtown has made me aware that I handle overwhelming feelings by distancing from them.
My pattern of distancing, not paying attention to feelings, occurs in other areas of my life.
I attribute this, at least partially, to being told, “Don’t feel that way” or “you shouldn’t feel that way.” These phrases encouraged me to ignore or distance myself from feelings.
These phrases are misguided. Feelings can be signals from the unconscious. Feelings point us toward issues that need our attention. Feelings make us human.
After a lifetime of running from feelings, facing them may seem impossible; it isn’t surprising that we don’t know where to begin.
When I determined that I didn’t want to push my feelings about Newtown down into my belly, I began researching the web for suggestions on how to skillfully use the feelings of sorrow and disbelief.
Statements from Susan Piver, Dr. Christine Valters Painter and Dr. Karen Wyatt encouraged me, each in their own way, to be with and learn from my feelings. These women represent (in order listed) Buddhist, Christian, and Integral points of view. Each of them graciously gave permission to quote them.
Reading their ideas has helped me honor my feelings and learn from them; my hope is that you will also find solace from reading these words.
Next week we will begin our exploration with words offered by Susan Piver.
This post is a heads up – pay attention to any feeling that tries to make itself known to you. It is puerile to ignore our feelings. The holiday season will give you ample opportunity to explore feelings.
In the comments section, please share your experiences with feelings. This year, do you miss family members who are no longer present? Are you disappointed in yourself? Do you feel lonely or bored? Remember – boredom is a feeling. Are you filled with joy and gratitude this year and don’t know how to feel about others less fortunate?
Thanks for joining me on an exploration of feelings –
Nicky Mendenhall
1 comment
I can so appreciate your desire to distance yourself from your feelings, especially the challenging feelings brought about by the Newtown tragedy. Like you, I have taken solace in the words of teachers and writers I respect. Each one has offered me a way into my own feelings and made it possible to process another little piece of the grief. I really like what Brene Brown had to say in her latest post about the importance of everyone being willing to tell their stories. If you are interested, I wrote a short reflection about my own process. Here is the link: http://www.alizabethrasmussen.com/uncategorized/unimaginable/. Thank you for your post!
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