Here’s a story we can use for beginning to understand the Buddhists definition of detachment:
“Once, an old woman, as an act of charity, undertook to support a monk living in a nearby hermitage. The monk was an austere and seemingly holy fellow who needed very little in the way of food, clothing, or shelter. But after a couple of years the old woman decided to test the monk.
“She sent her beautiful daughter out to the hermitage and instructed her to put her arms around his neck and ask, “Mr. Monk, do you think I’m beautiful?”
“Well, the monk just sat there impassively, and after a moment said, “A withered tree doesn’t notice the change of seasons.”
“So the beautiful daughter went back to her mother and told her what the monk had said. Whereupon the old lady went out and burned down his hermitage and drove him away, yelling,
“I can’t believe I’ve wasted all my hard-earned money on a fraud like you!”
Barry Magid explains in Ordinary Mind (2002 & 2005), that being detached in the neurotic sense, trying to avoid all feeling, and retreating into some unchanging state is not what Buddhists mean by detachment.
Positive detachment centers on the awareness of impermanence. You don’t have to give up on the things of the world but accept that they go away. This reminds me of our consultant and her countertops.
As always, I would love to hear from you – I am not detached from my readers. I am learning that the dream of a life without ups and downs is foolish and that emotions give depth to life.
Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall