The Des Moines Register and selected social media sites I peruse on a daily basis have all reported on the loneliness epidemic. Headlines declare that people are isolated and disconnected. I don’t think of myself as a lonely person but I will admit to feeling whiffs of loneliness on occasion. When this happens, I notice that if I tune into my body, the area around my heart feels tight and achy.
I wonder, just what is loneliness anyway and why don’t I feel it more often when my closest family members are three hours driving distance from me and everyone else requires a plane ticket with at least one connection? Is being in the same physical space enough to quell the loneliness epidemic?
I think it does help to share the same space – for example – the person I live with is a person I feel connected to despite a number of differences we discovered once we married. One thing that makes it easy for me to feel connected is his non-reactivity. Even when I get reactive, he doesn’t. His non-reactiveness reduces my feelings of being alone in the world where no one has my back. I try to find ways he knows I support him.
My youngest son, who acts as one of my editors and lives in New Mexico, sees his mother’s desire to write and encourages her no matter how discouraged she feels. Zoom meetings with him feel so natural now.
Writing connects me with the larger world. When I send out these blog posts and you read them and sometimes respond, I feel connected with you.
Donna, who is currently helping me organize and let go of some of my material possessions, has seemingly endless energy that she curbs to give me time to make decisions. She sees when I need to rest and has patience when I can’t decide what I want to do about a certain item. The quality of our connection is a joyful one which is so appreciated when facing the daunting tasks of letting go.
The last book I received in the mail was: Learning to be Old by Margaret Cruikshank. I was excited because the author is still alive so I can reach out and try and make a connection with her! She was born in 1940, five years before I was. My plan is to read more of her book and then send her an email. Maybe I’ll ask her if she ever feels lonely. I love being connected to other writers.
When I list my relationships, I notice that the quality of connection is what keeps me from feeling lonely. Relationships where I feel heard and seen and I can hear and see the other are an antidote to loneliness.
Do you have an antidote for loneliness? Please share by leaving a comment.
