Abbess Advises Jumping into River of Grief – #53

My motivation to expand rather than contract in the face of painful feelings needs consistent reinforcement.

Both ancient wisdom teachings and modern psychological systems encourage us to pay attention to internal feeling states. Because the ancients and the moderns agree on the folly of denying feelings, there are many resources available to guide us when we have the courage to meet our feelings face-to-face. 

We’ve heard a Buddhist perspective, now please stay with me as we open to a Christian viewpoint.

Sometimes the  word “Christian” causes us to shut our ears. We don’t want to entertain Christian dogma that makes no sense to our scientifically trained minds. We put cotton in our ears to protect us from  the harsh, judgemental words we have come to expect from the fundamentalists. But rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater (after all it is the Christmas season) let’s listen with an open mind and heart to:

Christine Valters Paintner* the online Abbess of  Abbey of the Arts. The Abbey is a virtual monastery that offers a variety of online classes, reflections, and resources with a focus on the integration of contemplative practice and creative expression. 

I “met” Christine during an online class and found her guidance for my writing and meditation practice to be most helpful; it was not a surprise when her response to the Newtown tragedy was inspiring.

She graciously gave permission to share her words:

In the wake of so much grief over the unimaginable violence at Sandy Hook elementary school last week, I invite you to let sorrow have its place in you. 

I have no easy answers, and people who claim God’s will somehow at work in the violence itself are offering trite answers to a mystery that is greater than our understanding. 

Our response must be to stand witness to the terrible things done, to grieve and know the fullness of our own humanity, and to cherish those we love dearly and hold them close. 

We are reminded again and again that life is a fleeting gift.  Sometimes it slips away in illness and sometimes stolen brutally. 

There are no words of solace. 

We must simply be with the great sadness of loss and know that these wounds and places of being broken open are where the grace enters.  We must commit again to make this one life matter.

One simple act you can do in response to this heartbreaking thievery of human life is to let yourself feel the deep grief of it. 

Notice when you want to push it away, or numb yourself, or find a distraction. 

This capacity to sit with the pain and let it work its way through you is the first and fundamental response.

The second response is an embrace of love as the deepest and truest thing, what makes life bearable under the most grievous of circumstances. 

Hold someone you love close, make amends with a loved one with whom you had a falling out. 

Extend yourself in this circle of love.  These things matter deeply. 

Then comes the hard work of conversation and change of policy and ways to protect lives more vigorously. 

But this work must emerge from a place that has allowed the river of grief to flow through and the deep well of love to nourish and sustain. 

We must remember the extravagant source of life** as we consider the reality of death.

Next week we will learn from a practitioner of Integral Theory six steps we can practice to midwife higher levels of consciousness. 

Special note: It was brought to my attention over Christmas break that not everyone agrees focusing on our feelings after National tragedies is necessary. What do you think? How do you deal with disasters that aren’t in your neighborhood or your part of the world? Please use the comments section to tell us what you think.

Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall

*Christine Valters Paintner is the online Abbess of Abbey of the Arts and the author of 7 books on monastic spirituality and creativity, as well as an artist, spiritual director, retreat facilitator, and teacher. She earned her PhD in Christian Spirituality from the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley and her professional status as Registered Expressive Arts Consultant and Educator (REACE) from the International Expressive Arts Therapy Association. In July 2012, she began living out her commitment as a Benedictine Oblate in the beautiful city of Vienna, Austria with her husband.  

Christine Valters Paintner, PhD
www.AbbeyoftheArts.com

**Italics mine.