Many of us sit on our desires until they are dead. An expired desire is comparable to a dead car battery. It needs a jump-start in order to spring into action.
Desires go dormant long before they die in order to protect themselves from the internal haranguing inflicted by outdated negative voices.
Example: Whenever you want to spend money on a project that will make you happy, an inner voice shames you by saying that you don’t have enough money. This is an old part/voice that doesn’t know you have a good job plus a savings account and can afford to spend money on your desires. The part is back in the old days when there wasn’t a penny for happiness and it isn’t aware of the rewards you will reap when discover and meet your desires.
Jump-Start: Realize and name the different parts you have inside you. Each comes from an inner personality that Richard C. Schwartz* calls a part. Be curious about each part. Get to know the concerns they express. Use facts to calm the part down when needed.
Be a detective and investigate the parts of your inner landscape.
Getting our desires met makes us feel happy and satisfied. People like to be around people who feel this way.
Most of the time others will cheer you on. If they don’t, there may be a couple of reasons: these are not people who love you or they are people who love you.**
So go ahead – listen to your desires and work towards fulfilling them. Everybody wins!
*Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, 2001, Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D.
**If you begin doing something for yourself after a lifetime of listening to inner voices that emphasize serving and putting others first, there may be a time when the people affected by your changes will give you “change-back” messages. Change-back messages are the stuff of your worst nightmares. Accusations like, “You used to be so nice,” or “You are making too many changes – you are not responsible anymore.” If you can maintain your new position with a kind patience, they will adjust and eventually be happy in the new arrangement. The reason people respond with change back messages is because if you are different, they won’t be able to relate to you in the same old way which means they have to change. You may be stirring up some of their own baggage or fears. It may take them time to get used to the new you but they will eventually support your new efforts if they have a healthy love for you.
Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall