I keep coming back to the question of what writing about aging actually means to me. I haven’t been able to give up the idea. I think about it frequently and whenever anyone asks me if I’m writing any more books, I always say that I want to write about aging.
Joyce Rupp read tantalizing portions from her new book, The Years of Ripening: Reflections on Aging in the Later Years last Sunday at Beaverdale Books. While she was signing her book for me, I found myself confiding that I wanted to write about aging but found it difficult. She looked me in the eye and wanted to know what was getting in my way. Just when I was going to tell her, savoring the fantasy that she had the solution to my dilemma, we were interrupted. She was needed elsewhere.
It turns out, I’m working to answer my inner editor, who keeps pointing out that aging is a pretty broad topic, and can I narrow it down a bit? When I got home, I remembered that one characteristic of aging Joyce had emphasized was change.
This was a shock to me because it countered that idea I’ve held on to since I was younger, that when you were old, things pretty much stayed the same. Change was for young people. Old people sat around feeling bored with life because nothing changed. They had seen and done it all in the past. I am definitely ready to let go of this idea, because my own life has shown it to be untrue!
Not only am I still doing doing doing, but I am observing the changes in my nervous system. When did I start feeling so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of traffic when driving to the physical therapist or to my beautician? I know there are more cars than there used to be, but I imagine my younger self wouldn’t have been as stressed out about it. When I arrive at the beautician, I observe that now I see the daughter, who was trained by her mother, now semi-retired.
Then there’s my big toenail, which several weeks ago began to ache for no apparent reason. I made an appointment with a podiatrist and on the day of the appointment, it stopped hurting. What did the doctor say? He said that there was nothing to do now, but it will probably hurt again in the future and to come back when it does. Was he referring to my toenail, or aging?
Reflecting on Joyce’s comment, I realize that nothing will stop me from writing about aging, as the changes just keep coming and my joy at observing them grows daily.
IMAGE: Picture created twelve years ago – before NPH, heart attack and age spots.
