On Monday evening, to initiate our daily check-in, I texted my sister. “I had a busy day writing. Off and on sad for no apparent reason.”
Her response: “Your sadness might have been the collective consciousness invading your privacy.” She’s never said anything like that in over three years of daily contact so it got me thinking.
When I woke up Tuesday, still feeling vaguely discontent, I wondered if my sister was right and something was still invading my privacy. I decided to attend Buddha and the Bean and see what they thought. The day’s topic was none other than sadness’ old frenemy—happiness. We watched a video featuring Oprah and author Arthur Brooks, who stated that to be happy you have to know what makes you happy.
What makes me happy I wondered? Maybe if I make a happy list, it will help ease the sadness? So sitting down, I utilized a Wild Writing technique I teach where you write as fast as you can. Here’s what I came up with that makes me happy:
- A healthy body with no aches or pains.
- A variety of good food that is healthy but tastes good.
- I’m never too hot nor too cold.
- Knowing my children, grandchildren, and great-grandson are healthy and happy and being cared for at all times.
When I finished, I paused a minute to look at what I’d written. I shuddered as it occurred to me these four items were typical of what I would have written before my years in psychoanalysis. When I tended towards perfectionism. When I avoided feelings.
I took a deep breath. This list wasn’t what I believed anymore.
I wanted to redo my list, Here’s what I came up with this time:
- A body that responds to sensations and keeps trying no matter how much pain tries to interfere.
- Food that nourishes my body. Currently, I’m giving thanks for the best gluten-free brownies I’ve ever eaten, lovingly prepared by my friend Tom.
- Remembering to actively try new combinations of clothes to keep my body comfortable despite Iowa’s heat and cold.
- Loving communication with family members so I can be supportive and know what they need to feel cared for.
This list tells me that sadness is not an emotion to run away from. Sadness is a feeling that slows me down, and this can be good. Sadness helps me feel compassion for the predicaments we all face as we grow and age. So next time I text Nina, I won’t say sadness occurred off and on and I don’t know why.
What is your kneejerk reaction when you feel sadness? Please let me know by leaving a comment at nickymendenhall.com or replying to this email.
IMAGE: Pattern on duvet cover illustrates complexity of human emotions.
