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| The post on 8/4/15, described a less than optimal encounter with two CenturyLink technicians. During this experience, Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo’s photo on my desktop was unceremoniously knocked on its face. |
While placing her upright on my desk, I had a sense she wanted to have a word with us. Here she is writing in first person singular:*
“Patience can be a problem for me because people are very nice to me. One can get lulled into a false sense of one’s own niceness because it is very easy to be pleasant to people who are kind.
“But then, if I walk into an Indian government office, and the officials are obnoxious, then we can see it. Right there it is. Anger has not gone away.
“Then we can decide either to be rude in return, or we can think, Wow, thank you. This is the opportunity–right now–to transform the situation and not answer back in the obvious way.”
This is an excerpt from Into the Heart of Life by Tenzin (2011)
It is my hope that you find her words as helpful as I do!
Is it easier for you to be nice to nice people and more difficult to be nice to rude or obnoxious people? Are you able to see rudeness as an opportunity for you to practice being who you are no matter what happens?
Thank you for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall
Her last guest appearance was 11/27/2012.
6 comments
Oh how true…..when things are going well for us it’s easy to believe that we have evolved into an enlightened person. But the true test of our progress is when things go wrong. In dealing with unfriendly, obnoxious people, I think that remembering Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements, especially the “don’t take anything personally” can be a big help.
"don't take anything personally" is a wonderful summary of Tenzin's advice. Thank you!
"Kill 'em with kindness ?? , It truly depends on my mood and my situation.I have never looked at rude behavior to be an opportunity to better myself. I,for one,am a genuinely nice person…when I managed a restaurant for 27 years,you learn quickly how to adapt to different situations. I have used reasoning,kindness,laughter and indifference. But, to this day,the only time I am not patient
Is when I have held the door for someone,without hearing a " thanks" ,I always let them hear me say " you're welcome!" I don't see it as not taking the high road, Gave them an opportunity to think how little effort it takes to be polite .Anyone can be in a bad mood,grumpy, but if me being polite and there is no change in their rudeness, 8 outa 10 times ,I will be rude back !!! Still a work in progress….
Thank you for your insights!
We are all works in progress I think.
I've been thinking about this through the last two blog posts. After the first one, when we were considering the impact of technology (which I do think has lessened the ability of some people to relate to others in "person"); and then this one, what I kept coming back to was what seems to me to be a lesser amount of civility and consideration than in the past. I was appalled, although not surprised, that these gentlemen did not ask you to clear off your desk before they took it over. That is just common courtesy. Which brings us to the question: is it easier to be nice if someone is nice to us or easier to be rude if they are rude? I think it's human nature to react to what one is presented with. Nice to nice, rude to rude. I will admit that is my "human nature" reaction. I'm working on that in following my New Year's resolution to be nicer to people out in the world (at the store, in traffic, etc.). And I find that sometimes if I downgrade my reaction to something, the other person will also become less … excited. I guess if that had been my desk, Nicky, I would have asked them to stop so that I could clean it off so that nothing was damaged. Hoping that MAYBE they would have then clued in and realized what they were doing to your property. Or, maybe not. 🙂
So many good things in your message – where to begin to respond? One thing I'm thinking of is the level of consciousness – Ken Wilber writes about layers that I don't begin to understand but the higher the level – the more we respond from our own beliefs – we don't react. I think that's what your NY Resolution is about.
What a good idea to ask to clean off my desk! As everything seems to me these days, everything happened so FAST once they began working. Once I even considered asking – it seemed too late and I thought surely they were done
Thank you for your thoughtful comment – so appreciated! Let me know if you have other thoughts
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