I arrived home from a Tai Chi Chih Intensive in Liberty, MO, on the first Monday of October.
I hate to admit this to anyone, but it’s been difficult returning to my regular life after this outing. I just don’t feel like myself. Normally, I’m excited to wake up in the morning – eager to jump on my vibrating plate to strengthen my bones, strap on my Vocal Mist device to clear out my sinuses and stretch out on my TrueBack to straighten my spine, but I haven’t even been setting an alarm for myself and I’m groggy and grouchy when I do finally force myself to get up. I’m not looking forward to anything in the day – not working on my memoir or reading one of the dozens of books on my stack. And exercise? I can’t even imagine it!
My wise Tai Chi Chih teacher suggested to me, after I reluctantly admitted to her that I was having difficulty being home, that I write at the top of the page, “What Happened?” and then write anything that came to mind. I couldn’t make myself sit down and do it until a week later.
It was when I began thinking of writing a post for all of you that I decided to try her suggestion.
The first thing that came out was that being home felt a bit surreal. I then wrote that I remembered sitting in a large circle with the other TCC retreatants. There were 18 of us I think, all answering one question: “What is one word you would use to describe what you are feeling? I was surprised when I heard myself say the word tantalized.
As I contemplated these feelings, it occurred to me that it is indeed difficult to share with others my fascination with Tai Chi Chih. It truly is a moving meditation. I love how my body moves through the movements, how I can feel tingling in my hands and how many times I feel closer to feeling peaceful, ditching anxiety. How the TCC principles softness, continuity, circularity, focusing on the soles of the feet and polarity help me in daily life.
There is not another person in Iowa that I know who practices this moving meditation. If I was younger, I would be gung-ho to introduce this moving meditation to others, but for now I’m thrilled to be working with one student who comes to my home for lessons. I sincerely want to be of service to others and share what I know.
After writing, I may have gained a bit of clarity about what the words surreal and tantalized mean to me right now. I’m tantalized by how I’m going to integrate all that I learned. And perhaps my life felt surreal because I had forgotten to give myself time to transition to a life where TCC is not the only thing I do.
IMAGE: One of my favorite birthday cards this year! Thanks Nina!
