Last week we had our first extended family visit in over three years. Part of me worried if I would remember how to entertain guests. But having Wendell’s daughters and their families here felt so natural that my concerns evaporated. It was so nice to be together.
They stayed for five days, and on the next to the last day, Brad asked whether we would be going to the zoo with them the next day. I heard Wendell say, “Oh, I don’t think so.” I was so surprised! We had always gone with them before. Without thinking, I jumped in: “That sounds like fun – we want to go, don’t we Wendell?”
Of course, Wendell being Wendell, he said, “Sure, we’ll go.”
As soon as it was settled that we were going, my throat started to itch. I felt dizzy. Did I actually just say that I wanted to go? I was tired and it was way too cold for the zoo! Why, why, why had I intervened in the conversation and practically insisted we go?
I decided that instead of criticizing myself, I would get curious about what was going on when I said, “That sounds like fun.” One possibility was that it was an oppositional knee-jerk reaction. Another possibility was my old desire to be a “fun” grandmother. What could be more fun than going to the zoo? I could be just like my sister Nina who loves to go places.
But I wondered, did I have to go to the zoo?
When Wendell and I were alone later that night, I confessed that I really didn’t want to go to the zoo. We talked about it and decided they didn’t need us to go with them and that we were tired, it was cold, and we could use the hours they were gone to rest up. I felt so relieved.
What is the take-home lesson? I learned to examine the feelings behind what I had said instead of simply being upset at myself. Can you remember a time when you had a knee-jerk reaction? What motivated you?
