While making reservations for our June 15th, 55th class reunion, I felt stirrings of excitement. When it was time to hop on Highway 330, I wanted to back out. It was so hot. I knew only a small percentage of the 72 in the graduating class because we were together for just one year. I won’t remember people’s names. I’ll get eaten alive by mosquitoes. It will take so much energy!
Online a few days later, I noticed a self-identified introvert reveal that frequently, after he made social plans, he wanted to back out.
As an introvert myself, I resonated.
Dan Blank, the moderator of this discussion and owner of WeGrowMedia, asked a question that caught my attention: Do introverts have to be drained by social interaction?
Dan went on to say that if introverts steer the conversation to topics that are enjoyable to them, the pleasure they feel may make up for the energy expended. His closing remark: “You might even be energized!”
I decided to try this out at the reunion. I wish I could say that all my conversations were pleasurable, but I can say that most of them were. And that is because I found a way to bring up my favorite subject: writing.
Here’s the spot in this post where I would report fascinating conversations if I could. The noisy sweltering shelter house made remembering difficult for me because of another characteristic of introverts: Overstimulation impairs the ability to be present.
Arriving home after the event, I experienced a sense of satisfaction from the overall friendliness of people. I didn’t have many deep conversations but I did enjoy myself. And I wasn’t wiped out by the event – just tired.
Do you consider yourself an introvert? Whether an introvert or extrovert, do you ever want to back out of social plans? Do you?
Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall
CLUE: A word Dan uses frequently is obsession. Think of what you are obsessed with these days. What do you feel passionate about? Bring it up in a conversation. See if you gain energy. Let me know what happens.
Dan Blank helps writers and artists with their creative lives. Sign up for his free weekly newsletter at WeGrowMedia.
4 comments
Hi Nicky. I am also an introvert and often wish I could back out of events. However, I've found two ways to cope. 1) Do as you did and aim the conversations to something I love as well, writing. I could talk for hours on that. 2) Encourage others to talk about themselves. When I'm not in the conversation spotlight, I'm more comfortable.
Thank you so much for your comment Susan. So good to hear from you. I love your second suggestion! I received a response from a friend who suggested a similar tactic (she prefers not to be published). It's almost as if the two of you are offering your time to care for others. No, it is that you both are offering your attention to others. This is full of compassion I think and I will keep in mind – hopefully, the next time I have to go to a social event.
I'll ask myself, do I need to talk or do I want to listen?
Thanks again – this helps me with Radical Clarity related to how my introversion and my interaction relate!
Hope you are recovered from the flood. Here in IA the flash flooding was close to our home but not close enough to cause real damage. We had a bit of water in the lower level bathroom. Enjoy the weekend!
Hi Nicky! I sometimes find myself wanting to back out of social events even though I would describe myself as an extrovert. I am not sure why–I'll be more aware next time it comes up–will be interesting to figure out. I am obsessed these days with a writing project–and with writing and reading in general! I know that whenever I discuss writing with people, it feeds me and I feel energized (even if before the conversation I was feeling depleted). Thanks for that reminder! When I am feeling low energy, I will reach out to someone who loves to talk writing! P.S. Miss you!!
You are most welcome Diane. I am so happy you are finding value here. I think of your writing project and wonder how it is unfolding.
I am off to a half day meditation retreat so I best get going. So happy to connect with you – I miss you too!
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