Deal With Complexity By Doing More Or Less? – #47

I am tempted to overlook the complexities of life. Even after years of analysis, my pattern of reverting to all or nothing thinking  is very seductive.

When I wrote in Post #46 that meditation was as simple as following your breath, nothing about that was untrue. What I didn’t say was that meditation can be so much more. So much more, just like life can be so much more, when we pay attention.

That life is too complex for all or nothing thinking is one of the most valuable insights I have gained in treatment. And it was a difficult lesson for me to learn and then put in practice. As you can tell, I’m still working on it.

I have been and sometimes remain tempted to rush important decisions for the purpose of settling the matter at hand. This is because I am uncomfortable waiting for clarity. Anxiety can be difficult to contain.

This morning during meditation, a person from the past popped into the the present moment. Our connection was severed over twenty years ago. When I thought of this person, I felt something was unsettled. My initial reaction was that I needed to DO something.

One reason meditation has been valuable for me is that sitting on the cushion* and staying there, even when discomforting emotions  urge me to DO something, I can practice being with the anxiety and then make considered choices instead of thoughtless reactions.

Because I’ve experienced in meditation that feelings rise and then pass away, I stayed with the uncomfortable feeling. Yes, I said to myself, I could call this person. Then the thought arose that there was really nothing more for me to say. That doing nothing was the option that made the most sense right now.

Sometimes dealing with complexity means you say more. Other times, dealing with complexity is best dealt with by saying less. It can be complex figuring out which option we want to take.

CLUE: When something feels complex & bugs you this week, think of some ways to do less rather than doing more. Let me know how it goes and how you feel about it.

Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall

*Or in my case kneeling on a bench because it is no longer possible to cross my legs in front of me. I also want to acknowledge that many people don’t meditate and I have observed that these people accomplish the same skill of managing their feelings that a person who meditates does. I applaud wholeheartedly however we learn to deal with our feelings.


Image taken when the flowers on the back deck were glorious. Now they are wilted and playing dead.