Who Do You Find In Your Journal? – #57

Continuing to riffle through, Leaving a Trace, book purchased to discover more ways to manage censors, I’ve discovered several ideas that were helpful to me especially since I’ve been reading my old journals.

The book’s author, Alexandra Johnson, says that when she began to read her old journals, she feared setting herself up for the double misery of finding no wisdom and seeing how awful the original writing was. Yet when reading, she felt a quiet shiver of surprise:

They weren’t so bad!

She says she felt a strange fondness for “this someone else.”  The someone else was her former self.  She realized that she wasn’t the same person who had written the words she was rereading.

It has been emotionally wrenching and many times mystifying (what did I mean by that?) thumbing through my old journals in search of scenes from analytical sessions. Remnants that show how treatment was transformative. (If you are a writer you realize I am following the advice to show, not tell.)

It is true, I was someone else when writing in my 2009 journal. Not to mention 2010. Or any of the years up until 2018. This makes sense, especially since I am writing about the changes I’ve made through the psychoanalytic process.  

Have you ever read something you wrote in the past? Did it sound like you? What were you doing in 2009? Do you know how you have changed? How would you describe these changes? Please share with me how you deal with your former self. Do you have more than one?

CLUE for unraveling the mystery of the week: Ask someone you know and love (if you dare), how they see you as different from how you were in 2009. You may be surprised. If they say they don’t see much change, congratulate yourself – you are the same wonderful person you have always been – or they wouldn’t still be around! If they say you have changed for the better, congratulate yourself – change is difficult. If you are lucky enough to be gifted with a negative answer, congratulate yourself for knowing such an honest person and decide for yourself if there is truth in the reply and if there is, what steps you want to take in the future.

Thanks for exploring the mystery – Nicky Mendenhall 

Image – We haven’t seen the guardian for awhile. Here she is with a raindrop clinging to the bottom of her new crystal – you have to look closely to see it!